Jokes

A Sardar Doctor and Pundit

A Sardar Doctor and Pundit loved same girl.

Pundit started giving an apple to the girl everyday.

Sardar Doctor asked: WHY ??

Pundit: An apple a day keeps the doctor away!

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"Mallika Behan"

Mallika arrived at a Railway Station for a shooting.

Bhikhari: Behanji 1 rupiya dedo.

Malika gave him 1000 Rs.



Secretary: Why u gave him 1000 Rs..?

Malika: Pehli bar kisine behan kaha!

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"Kaun Banega Crorepati"

Pathan Kaun Banega Crorepati Mein:

Q: What is you father name?

Pathan: Plz Options?

A. Dilawar
B. Changez
C. Feroz
D. Sultan



Pathan: Life line 50/50

A. Dilawar
C. Feroze

Pathan: Audience Vote.
75% Dilawar
25% Feroze

Pathan: I want to use My last life line “Phone a friend.”
Kisko call karengy?

Pathan: Apne baap dilawar ko!

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“Murgha No.5? Calling”.

Ek larka apni girlfriend se milne gaya, kuch baat ke baad uski girlfirend chaye(tea) banane ke liye kitchen chali gayi.

Girlfriend ka mobile sofay pe dekh kar larky ne socha ke chalo dekhte hai mera number iss ne kis naam se save kya hai?



Dear, sweetu ya jaanu.

Jab usme misscall di toh screen pe likh raha tha “Murgha No.5? Calling”.
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"Maa aur baap"

Wife: Aap bahut mote ho gaye ho.

Santa: Tum bhi toh kitni moti ho gayi ho,



Wife: Main toh maa banne wali hoon!

Santa: Main bhi toh baap banne wala hoon.
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"Plastic surgery"

Ek aadmi bada dukhi tha!

Ek dost ne uss se poocha, “Kyu, tension mein ho.”



Aadmi: Yaar ek dost ko plastic surgery ke liye 2 lakh rupeey diye thay, ab saale ko peehchan nahi pa raha hoon!

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"Chhota bartan…"

Customer: Ek kilo gaay(cow) ka doodh dena.



Shopkeper: Lekin tumhara bartan toh bahut chhota hai.

Customer: Theek hai toh phir bakri ka de de.

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“CHAALU KHAATA”

Chhote: Woh ladki kitni sundar hai!

Bade: Mujhe uska naam pata hai.



Chhote: Kya naam hai uska?

Bade: Woh bank mein kaam karti hai, uske counter ke upar uska naam likha tha “CHAALU KHAATA”

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"Maar Padi"

Santa: Yaar aaj pehli bar maine accha kaam kya, jiss par logon ne mujhe bohat mara!

Banta: Woh kya..

Santa: Ek makan mein aag lagi thi, aur andar kuch log thay, maine window tori aur andar ja kar sab logon ko bahar nikal diya.



Banta: Toh logon ne kyun mara

Santa: Yaar, kyun ke woh sab log fire fighter thay!
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"Begum wife"


Two married friends Rahul and Rohan talking on the topic of the married woman,

Rahul: Wife ko begum kyun kehte hai?



Rohan: Kyuki shaadi ke baad uske saare gum husband ke hisse mein chale jaate hai aur wife begum ho jaati hai…

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"Meri toh ho gayi hai"

Santa: Main ek baar jungle mein susu karne gaya toh waha per Sher tha.



Banta: Phir kya hua?

Santa: Maine Sher se kaha, “Pehle tum karlo, mera toh ho gaya hai.”
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"Majak ki aadat"

Wife: Ji apko mujhme kya achha lagta hai, meri samajhdari ya meri beauty.



Husband: Mujhe toh yeh tumhari Majak karne ki aadat bahut achi lagti hai.
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"Blood test"

Pathan BLOOD Ke bare mein book parh raha tha

Wife: Aaj yeh book kyu parh rahe ho ji?



Pathan: Mujhe doctor ne kaha hai ke kal mera BLOOD test hai iss liye test ki tayari kar raha hoon.
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"How fruits are eaten"

Ek baar 3 fruits mein aapas mein baatcheet hoti hai.

Apple: Mujhe toh sab dho ke aur kaat ke khaate hai.

Amrood: Tujhe kya mujhe bhi sab dho ke aur kaat ke khate hai.



Apple, chup chaap baithe banana se kehta hai tu chup kyu hai?


Banana : “Main kya kahu mujhe toh batate hue bhi saram aati hai, mujheh to sab log nanga karke khate hai.”

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"Sher…"

Santa: Tu office mein toh bada sher bana ghumta hai, ghar par kya ho jata hai?



Banta: Hota toh sher hi hoon par DURGA sawar ho jaati hai…

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"Nutrition"

Ek 10 saal ka bachha bahot dhyan se ek book pad raha tha, jiska title tha: “Kids ka paalan poshan kaise kare”.



Mother: Tum yeh book kyon pad rahe ho.

Kid: Main yeh dekhna chahta hoon ke mera paalan poshan theek tara se ho raha hai ya nahi.

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"Poor thief"

Ek chor amir aadmi ke ghar mein chori karne gaya. Tijori pe likha tha “Tijori ko todne ki jaroorat nahi hai, 452 number press karke sahmne vala lal batan dabao, tijori khul jayegi. Jaise hi batan daba alarm baja aur police aa gayi.”



Jate jate chor seth se bola: Aaj mera insaaniyat se vishwas uth gaya hai!

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"Kabristan"

Mohan & Sohan were sitting in a kabristan & were talking.

Mohan: Sohan, dekho yeh murde kitne aaraam se apni kabron mein sote hai.


Sare murde uth khare hue aur bole: Kyun na soye, yeh jaga apni jaan de ke hasil kee hai..!

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"Dur nahi dikhta"

Bania’s son: Daddy meri door ki nazar kharab hai SPECKS banwa do.

Kanjoos Bania took him outside & said: Woh dekh kya hai?



Son: Suraj

Kanjoos Bania: Abbe ullu ke patthe, aur kitni dur tak dekhna chahe hai tu.

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1. A small boy opens the door and looks at his sister's boy friend and asks innocently "Every day you come to meet my sister , don't you have your own sister"



2. Santa went for an interview Bank manager: what is cyclone ? Santa: It is a smallest loan given by bank to buy a cycle.



3. Innocent kid handling his breakup ... Main tumhe bhulne ki bahut koshish karta hun, par kya karun mummmy roj BAADAAM khila deti hai. Aur muje tumhaari YAAD fir see aa jaati hai



4. Pintu was having habbit of eating nails of his hand, His parents sent him to Ramdev Baba for treatment..... . . . Now Pintu can also eat nails of his legs..



5. Teeth said 2 Tongue " If I just press u little hard, you will get cut. Tongue replied: "If I misuse 1 word against some1, then all the 32 of u will come out at once"



6. What is the height of flirting ? When your love letter starts with . . . . " TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN"



7. Ek aadmi ka ye sun kar heart fail ho gaya jab uski kaam waali bai ne kaha Saahab "Orkut pe muje b add kar lo"



8. Dada(Grand Father): Beta ja paani le aa. Pota(Grand Son): Mai nai laa sakta, mai game khel raha hun 2nd Pota (Second grand son): Rahne do dada g, ye to hai he BADATMEEZ.... ... .. ... .. .. Ap khud he ja k le aao.



9. World's shortest poem.. Baba black sheep have u any wool? .. .. ... .. . sheep: NO, get lost.



10. Jinn : Kya huqum hai mere Aaka ? Aaka: Mere account me jaldi se 10 crore rs aur katrina se shaadi 10 sec me karwa do. Jinn: Aaaka, huqum karo...bakwaas mat karo !!!



11. Police: Oye, carparking ki jagah bike kyu park ki hai ? Santa: just smiled and said "sirf do pahiyon ka farak hai UNCLE, aa jayenge



12. Ek dukhi aadmi bola: Aisi zindagi se toh maut achhy. Achanak yamdoot aya aur bola : Tumhaari jaan lene ka huqum hai. Aadmi: lo kar lo baaat, ab insaan majaak b nai kar sakta.



13. A poor man of U.P catches a fish but can't cook due to No gas No electricity No Oil Man puts fish back in to river. Fish comes up and shout "Mayaavati zindabaad



14. Santa london k ek hotel me murgi khaane gaya lekin murgi ka English word bhool gaya Waiter: What would you like to have sir ? Santa: 1 plate Egg's mother



15. Pathan Ladki se: I Love you ! Ladki:Tameez se baaat karo Pathan: Bismilllah Hir rehman Nir Reheeem, with due respect I beg to say that "I Love you".



16. Gabbar : ye hath muje de de Thakur. Frustrated Thakur : Le le, mere bhi le le, Kalia ke bhi le le, Basanti k bhi le le.Jai or veeru ke bhi le le aur DURGA MATA ban ja.



17. Taj Mahal ko dekh kar bola shahjahan ka pota.. Taj Mahal ko dekh kar bola shahjahan ka pota. "Aj apna bhi bank balance hota agar dada aashiq na hota".



18. Galib ne GF ko date par bulaaya aur wo late ayi. GF: sorry, I am late. Galib: Falak pe chand sitaaron ko neend aa rahy hai, dossri ka time ho gaya aur tu ab aa rahy hai.



19. Ek bachha door bell bajaane ki koshish kar raha tha. Ek old man ne dekha aur bell baja di.Aur bachhe se bola: Aur kuch beta? Bachha: Ab bhaago.
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